Night of Silence
by Rhiannon87
Summary: Tifa tries to cope with Aeris' death. TifaCloud.


**Night of Silence**

_Cold are the people, winter of life,  
We tremble in shadows this cold endless night,  
_

It's so cold.

I don't think I'll ever be warm again. I feel like the frigid air has gotten through my clothes and under my skin, freezing my blood. I can't stop shaking; I guess that's a good sign. I remember reading somewhere that if you stop shivering, you've got hypothermia, and then you'd be dead.

Dead. She's dead.

God, it keeps coming back to that. The cold didn't start when we got to these ice fields, it started when I saw him run her through, when he took his gaze off Cloud for a second to smirk at the rest of us. That casual, smug glance stole my energy, my hope, any warmth I had in my soul.

We've got a fire going, but it doesn't seem to be helping any of us. Cid is practically in the flames, trying to keep warm. I wonder if Sephiroth stole his warmth as well. Cloud is sitting across from me, his knees pulled up to his chest. He looks so young. He is so young. I want wrap my arms around him, take that empty expression off his face and let him cry or scream or feel something.

I think Sephiroth stole his warmth a long, long time ago.

_Frozen in the snow lie roses sleeping,  
Flowers that will echo the sunrise.  
_

Cid's sort of taken over the role of leader for the moment. Cloud's in no condition to lead anyone. He's afraid of himself; that's the only reason he asked us to continue. It's a terrible reason to follow a person, to keep him from hurting anyone, but it's all we have now. Aeris is dead; we've lost the only person who had any real hope this would work.

None of us would ever admit it, though.

Cid lights up another cigarette and stares at the sky. "We should make Icicle Village by tomorrow," he says. I nod silently. I can't see how anyone would willingly live up here. The snow and ice never melt, and the temperature is never above freezing. I grew up in the mountains, but it was never like this… we had trees and grass and flowers.

She had flowers too—

And I can't stop thinking about her. I can't help it. I miss my friend. I miss being able to laugh about stupid girly things with her. I even miss our competition over Cloud. I miss hating her for being so damn perfect all the time, because in some twisted way that perfection gave me hope. She's perfect, she believes in us, so we have to succeed. She can't be wrong.

And now our hope is lying dead at the bottom of a lake.

_Fire of hope is our only warmth.  
Weary, its flame will be dying soon. _

Cid casts a low Fire spell, and the bonfire flares back to life. The wind is trying to put it out, to kill our fire and then kill us. Part of me wants to just let the fire die; it'd be so much easier just to sleep and never wake up. I wouldn't have to worry about Cloud, about whether he's lying or insane, or if I'm the one who's crazy.

I glance over at Cloud. His chin rests on his knees as he stares blankly at the flames. He looks exhausted.

"Cid… we ought to get some sleep," I say, surprised at how hoarse my voice sounds. He glances at me and nods.

"Yeah… you two rest now, I'll take first watch."

Normally I'd protest out of courtesy, but I'm too cold and tired to argue. I force my limbs into a standing position, and walk over to Cloud. He still hasn't moved, and I wonder if he's frozen.

"Cloud," I say softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. He blinks and looks up at me.

"We're going to sleep. Cid's keeping watch," I tell him. He nods, turning stiffly to unpack the blankets. I silently help him build a nest in the snow, then lay down next to him. This arrangement, sadly, has nothing to do with a change in our relationship and everything to do with survival. If any of us tried to sleep alone, we'd be dead by morning.

_Voice in the distance, call in the night,  
On wind you enfold us, you speak of the light.  
_

Cloud falls asleep almost immediately, but I can't stop thinking, despite my exhaustion. We're broken, all of us, broken and hopeless. We're going on because we don't have anything to go back to, because we're following Cloud to keep him from going crazy. With reasons like that, we won't last. Someone has to keep everyone going.

And much as I'd love to have Aeris' gift for hope, I can't do it. I can't be the one to tell everyone it's all right, we'll make it, we have a fighting chance. I don't believe it, and I can't keep lying.

I've lied too much already.

That's what scares me the most… the fact that our leader, the man we've placed all our trust in, is lying to us. He wasn't at Nibelheim. Zack was. I know my memories are right… but I can't tell him. I'm so scared of what will happen if he finds out. Will he really lose it? Will he give up?

Will he even believe me?

It's not a risk I'm ready to take yet. I just hope I'm able to tell him soon, before Sephiroth does anything else to him.

_Gentle on the ear you whisper softly,  
Rumors of a dawn so embracing,_

I wake some time later to find Cloud curled against my back, his arm draped across my waist. I can feel him trembling. After a moment, I realize what woke me: his quiet sobs, almost muffled by my hair. I twist around so I'm facing him. His eyes are dry, but so full of pain that I want to cry. I don't, though; instead, I wrap my arms around him in an awkward embrace and let him hide his face against my shoulder.

"Its okay, Cloud," I whisper. "It'll be alright, just go back to sleep…"

I don't believe we'll be okay. I don't believe that this quest has a chance of succeeding. But… he needs me to believe it. I have no choice but to take Aeris' place as the strong one, the hopeful one. I can't be her, I can't be perfect... but I can help him. That's reason enough.

And maybe, if I pretend long enough, I'll really believe it'll be okay.

Cloud's breathing calms, and he drifts off to sleep. He doesn't know the pain I'm going through for him. I hope he never does.

I lie awake, holding onto the man I love and watching the stars fade out.

_Breathless love awaits darkened souls,  
Soon will we know of the morning. _


End file.
